Raising Godly Women

Thorny Theresa

• Season 1 • Episode 4

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S01 – E04: Thorny Theresa

 Show Notes

The journey today is the first ever podcast with two guests!  Join Sebra Ferrell as she welcomes back Charnae!  This time Sebra and Charnae are joined by Charnae’s daughter for a generational episode that we hope God will use to speak to your heart!     
 
  In this episode:

  • Intro
  • Welcome to Charnae and Allie (01:21)
  • Takeaways from “Good Ground Gabrielle” 
    • Allie’s Takeaway (02:03)
    • Sebra’s Takeaway (02:44)
  • Allie shares her experience with the Parable of the Sower and the Seed before hearing each soil named (04:26)
  • Allie shares how hearing the soils named helped her (05:56) 
    • Discussion on Allie’s vision of the soils as a “community garden” (06:19)
  • Charnae, Allie, and Sebra’s discussion on Theresa (08:44)
    • The original vision for Thorny Theresa (09:55)
    • How Theresa views GiGi (01:50)
    • Theresa’s challenges (11:09)
  • Discussion on whether or not you can recognize when you’re responding like Theresa? (14:27)
    • Theresa may be hard to recognize (18:35)
    • Theresa is the one that typically says, “I’m tired” (20:57)
  • The impact on our relationships when we’re rejecting the Word (21:46)
  • Discussion on generational seed planting (23:11)
    • Interacting with an adult daughter (29:10)
    • Charnae and Allie’s testimony (29:40)
    • Planting the seed more than once (32:41)
  • Allie’s pearl of wisdom (34:49)
  • Charnae’s takeaway (35:32) 
    • Theresa needs community (GiGi community) (36:50)
  • Sebra’s pearl of wisdom for this episode (37:02)
  • Thank you for listening (37:54)

 Other Episodes in this Series:

 NOTE:  For a full description of the women, click here to access the transcript from Season 1, Episode 1, “The Journey Begins” located on our website.   

 Scriptures references:

  • The Parable of the Sower and the Seed:
    • Matthew 13:1-23
    • Mark 4:1-20
    • Luke 8:1-15
  • Additional Scriptures:
    • Proverbs 22:6
    • Matthew 13:21-30

  Website:  https://raisinggodlywomen.buzzsprout.com/    

 Find us on Facebook and Instagram @raisinggodlywomen.rgw  

 Subscribe on Apple or Google Podcasts to get notified of new releases.  Check out our website for other podcast locations. 

S01 - E04 - Thorny Theresa

[00:00:00] Sebra: Hi, my name is Sebra Ferrell, and I would like to welcome you to the Raising Godly Women podcast. I know. Why another podcast? Well, Raising Godly Women is about empowering a generation of women to empower the generation behind them. But what exactly does empowerment look like? Our goal is to help you become stronger, to help you become more confident in your everyday life, especially as it relates to your relationship with the Lord.

[00:00:31] Sebra: As daughters of God, I'm sure you've heard about the Proverbs 31 woman and many of us, including me, we strive to be her. But what about the Titus 2 woman? She's that woman who shares what she's learned on her journey. She freely shares the tools God has given her with other women, especially those who are younger, maybe in age, or maybe even in faith to help them also become stronger and more confident.

[00:00:59] Sebra: The Titus 2 woman, she's what Raising Godly Women is all about. Our goal is to share some of our tools with you in the hopes that whatever God does for you here, that you will freely share it with someone else. So again, welcome to Raising Godly Women. We sure hope you enjoy your journey with us. 

[00:01:21] Sebra: The journey today is the first podcast with two guests. I have with me, my friend, Charnae, and her daughter, Allie. Welcome Charnae and Allie. 

[00:01:34] Allie: Hi. 

[00:01:35] Charnae: Hello. 

[00:01:36] Sebra: Thank you for coming today. Thank you for being willing to do this mother-daughter episode with me, because that is really and truly what Raising Godly Women is all about; it's that generational impact.

[00:01:49] Sebra: So today, before we get into the interview, I do want to take a moment to share takeaways from the podcast about GiGi. So, Allie, was there something specific that stood out to you in that episode? 

[00:02:03] Allie: I think the biggest thing that stuck out to me was a reminder of the type of woman that GiGi is. And to remember that the fruit of her tree is not just for her, so she has a bit of a bigger responsibility there, and she's not just a hoarder. Like she's not just a hoarder of all the good works and all the good words and all the good fruit for my four and no more. 

[00:02:24] Allie: This whole thing I see is like a personification of a community garden. She's the queen of the community garden. She got the big plot, and everyone wants to have their little plot in her little section. so that's my biggest thing is remembering my own life that when I'm acting and living in my GiGi-ness, that I am thinking of others and producing the fruit that's not just for me, but it's for other people.

[00:02:44] Sebra: I like that. When you said, "community garden," because interestingly enough, when your mother did the photograph for GiGi to announce the episode, she had GiGi linked with other women. And the very first thing that came to my mind was Gigi's community. That she was a part of a community. So, thank you. I really like that. 

[00:03:06] Sebra: The thing that really stood out for me about GiGi was she is actually the culmination of all of the soils. Being the visual person that I am, she represents that puzzle box that shows you what the picture is supposed to look like. So, if something's missing, it's much easier to figure it out versus trying to pull all the pieces together without something to go by. 

[00:03:30] Sebra: The other thing that really stayed with me about the episode was my pearl of wisdom, which is the most important GiGi moment we can ever have is when we accept Jesus as Lord and Savior of our life, because from there all other things are possible.

[00:03:47] Sebra: If by chance you're listening and you've not yet heard any of the episodes that describe the Women of the Soils, which actually came from the Parable of the Sower and the Seed, then the link to that episode is in the Show Notes. For now, let's just say Thorny Theresa, she starts well, but she gets faith weary, so she doesn't end well. And on that note, let's get to our questions. 

[00:04:13] Sebra: So, Allie, I know that before naming the Women of the Soils, your mom felt disconnected to the Parable of the Sower and the Seed. What had been your experience with the parable before hearing each soil named? 

[00:04:26] Allie: If I can be honest, I didn't think about it. There was no real experience with it. I read it, and was like, okay, God, cool. Farmers and seeds. Great. That's not having anything to do with my life. Let's talk about provisions and fear or whatever else that I was dealing with and never really read it, at a point, 'cause I guess when I read it, I was what Rocky Raquel. Is it the first one? That it didn't resonate really with me at all. So, I never really paid attention to it. 

[00:04:52] Allie: And then I just started living life. And started drawing near to God and God was like, okay, we're going to have to try this another way and started showing me this concept, through life and through relationship and through dealing with people. And it was much later when I went back and actually was watching a sermon where they were talking about the Parable of the Sower and the Seeds and visually showing what the ground looked like that I looked back from a more mature place and went, oh, and then I was able to identify where I was at a certain point in time.

[00:05:24] Allie: Why, when I heard this the first time, it didn't make any sense, or it didn't click. And then was able to identify the different soils and the different people that I relate to. But the first time, first few times, I grew up in church. So, you know, you hear all these things, you kind of go, okay, great. How is that supposed to actually apply? I'm not a farmer, a farmer, seeds, sayings, yeah, cool. 

[00:05:46] Sebra: I totally get it. 

[00:05:47] Allie: So, my answer was, what was your experience with it? I didn't have one. 

[00:05:51] Sebra: Okay. So, for you in hearing them named, did that help you? 

[00:05:56] Allie: When I really started thinking about the actual soils, I'm a very visual person. I see the ground, the rocks. I see the thorns that are covering this area. I see the bird sweeping down. Thinking about personifying it with women, my picture then begins to build this community garden. So instead of necessarily seeing each women as myself, oh, am I being Thorny Theresa?

[00:06:19] Allie: I see it like this community garden, where you have all these beautiful plots of land, some was rocky, some is thorny. Then you got gorgeous GiGi. And just like any sort of community you pick who you're hanging out with. You know, birds of a feather where you're making your plot at the time. So, I can look out and go, okay as I'm looking at where I am, who am I talking to? Who am I spending my time with? Who am I sitting here chopping it up with? Oh, is it Thorny Theresa? Because I'm looking at where I'm putting my seeds and are we in her garden right now? Is my life looking like her garden? Because for the most part, when you look at all these women on the outside, they look the same, they look fine.

[00:06:54] Allie: They're put together, I personally don't necessarily see Thorny Theresa as like she got sticks out of her hair and she look thorny like she's going through. Thorny Theresa, she sweating, she working just like everybody else, but her stuff isn't producing. As a matter of fact, I see Thorny Theresa as the one where if Rocky Raquel is kinda, you know, chilling in her plot, Thorny Theresa, she all over the place. She doing this. She watering that. She cuttin' this. She's doing this. She's doing all these things. She's working, working, working, working, and she sweating.

[00:07:21] Allie: And you would assume that the plot that she has would be the most beautiful, but she's not working smarter. She's just working harder versus looking over at GiGi, she's working, she's sweating, but she's over here like Bell just running through the town, just doing her thing, looking more pleasant, looking like a place where all the people want to flock to that garden.

[00:07:42] Allie: So, when I think about the women, I think about them as just these different people personified in this community garden that I walk through because sometimes in certain situations, I'm stopping here at this plot, sometimes over here with GiGi, and then sometimes I'm like, “Well, GiGi, I can't handle how positive you are right now about the situation. I need to go talk to Theresa. I'm gonna come back.” 

[00:08:04] Sebra: I like that 

[00:08:04] Allie: and then I'm with Theresa, and I'm over here with her thorns and looking at my things not working together when I'm realizing, you know, am I over here sweating like you. I'm sweating. I need to get out of this garden, or sometimes you go, and you look and didn't even realize I ended up here, but the idea of look at your friends, look at the people who you're around?

[00:08:24] Allie: And that'll let you know that's how I look at the Parable of the Sower and the Seeds. I see the physical ground and what's happening in this garden and how it grows. But then I also see the women there to remind me, who am I talking to? In my head, am I talking to Theresa? Like the barbershop or the beauty salon? Like, is she the one that I'm camping out with in the garden? Or am I camping out with GiGi? 

[00:08:44] Sebra: You painted a picture in my mind, just now of a neighborhood and individual houses in the neighborhood. Whose house did I stop at today? So GiGi has a garden that looks good. Theresa has a garden. Ooh. Where all those weeds come from? Okay. Got it. That's a brand-new aspect for me. Thank you. 

[00:09:04] Allie: But on the outside, all of the women just look like women. They look like the same you can have GiGi standing next to Theresa and yes, you could look and be like, you know, there's something different about GiGi, but they both look put together.

[00:09:17] Allie: They both look like they have it all. This garden is both standing behind a beautiful house. Now you go into Theresa's house it's a hot mess. She got furniture. She got clothes. She got here. She talking about she can't do this. I got the laundry over here. You go into GiGi's house. And yeah, she got the laundry. It's probably over there. Probably not folded too, but she has a different joy about her that's still the place that people want to go. People coming to GiGi house, being like, girl, let me help you fold your clothes. 

[00:09:38] Sebra: Okay. That's different. That's different. And that's why we always encourage people to study this parable for themselves and let God paint you a picture that you can relate to.

[00:09:55] Charnae: And what I love about it because when Sebra and I originally sat down, we had this conversation of bringing each one to life. We went through each lady. And when we got to Theresa, the thing that we said about Theresa was just what you said, and we literally said from looking at her, she has it all together. She has the career. She may have the family. She has the ministry. She has the goals. The thing is Theresa sometime is so stretched because the cares of the world, right. She's a little stretched. And we were saying that she has a lot going on.

[00:10:28] Charnae: Like she's, really stretched with her life, and she's getting choked out, but she may even be leading a ministry, leading a small group, doing the thing or the job and people admire her even like, man, we want to be like her, but within herself she's getting pricked by those thorns. You know, she may be walking in unforgiveness and bitterness that maybe she has to keep carrying all this stuff. Why is no one else helping with that? 

[00:10:50] Allie: She's looking at GiGi and going, why is she have all this stuff when I'm doing all this work? What is the difference between me and GiGi? Oh, she must've just got more extra favor then. 

[00:10:59] Sebra: Ooh, girl, 

[00:11:00] Allie: So, I need to work harder. She just must got something I don't. Her ground must've just been nicer from the get-go. And I gotta over here work and till, and I got these thorns. 

[00:11:09] Sebra: I feel that. I literally feel that. That is so on point because when you are Theresa, and you are struggling, and you feel like the world is crashing in on you, God hasn't answered your prayers. But then you see this other person who's GiGi, and she's living that life that you want to live, and you're wondering why her God and why not me. Wow. 

[00:11:42] Allie: What do I need to work for then? What do I need to do instead? Then you start piling up more things instead of realizing, which is when I was getting out of my Theresa. I mean, we still, talk sometimes, but I'm trying to put boundaries on her relationship. when I was dealing in that, it was the, okay, what do I need to do to fix it then? 

[00:11:58] Sebra: Yes 

[00:11:58] Allie: But to fix it isn't do more stuff. You got to go back and pay attention to your soil. 

[00:12:04] Sebra: Yes.

[00:12:04] Allie: And start picking out weeds. You gotta start looking at thorns. You gotta start clearing out the mess. 

[00:12:10] Sebra: Yes. 

[00:12:11] Allie: Oh God. I don't have time to do that. 

[00:12:12] Charnae: That's the key

[00:12:13] Allie: because I'm doing this, that and that, and that and that. 

[00:12:14] Charnae: And I think that is the key, especially when we're talking about mentoring, whether it's the biological mother and daughter, or spiritual mentorship, and friendships. Sometimes when you're dealing with that Thorny Theresa heart, and you're trying to bring to her attention, you've got your hand in a lot of things, right. And you need to pull back. Sometimes the Word doesn't fall on Good Ground on her because she's saying. “How, could I possibly do that? If I don't do it, or where is the extra time that you want me to miraculously make appear? I don't have the time, and I don't have the means and I have too much responsibility to stop for a moment and to look at my own heart.” 

[00:12:58] Sebra: Ummm 

[00:12:58] Charnae: And so sometimes when you're mentoring. or you're talking Thorny Theresa that becomes like a wall that you see it, right, in a particular area in GiGi, in that area, as you're talking with her and you desire for her to understand that her hand is too much, but because it's falling on the thorniness of her heart, she may not receive it at that time. 

[00:13:20] Sebra: And those thorns are pricking, and they are painful, which makes it even harder for her to receive what's being said.

[00:13:29] Charnae: Right? 

[00:13:30] Sebra: Oh, my goodness. 

[00:13:31] Allie: That's why I go back to working smarter, not harder because GiGi has a plate full of things to do too. But what oftentimes God had to tell me is, “Who put that on your to do list? You did, honey.” 

[00:13:42] Allie: “What do I want you to put on to-do list?” Okay. That's these things over here, so you can work harder and then just add these things to your to-do list and get to them when you quote unquote have time, which you never have, or you can let some things go and do the work that's meaningful. The work that's hard. The work that's going to take a lot of time. You're not just going to go from, I see, I need to be like GiGi, so tomorrow I'm going to clean this whole garden up because I'm so used to doing all these things. It takes time. It takes work. It takes that type of tilling in the ground, and you're right. It is painful. It's long. It's hard. And that's why half the time we go, I did this for a while and nothing's changed. Now I'm going to go back to just doing what I was doing, because at least I've been doing that and at least that kind of sort of works.

[00:14:27] Sebra: That's good. So, in thinking about all of that, are either of you able to recognize when you're responding like Thorny Theresa. If so, how?

[00:14:38] Allie: I think I can tell when I'm out here sweating, when I'm working and killing myself doing all of these things that are often, sometimes good things, but I don't actually have the fruit to back that up. When I feel like I'm grinding doing all these things, Lord. Then I look and I'm like, but this is out of whack. Where you plateau is where you need to sow. That to me is kind of my indication of like, am I being Theresa right now? Just like in my life, am I doing, am I working, not smarter? Am I putting too many things on my plate? And am I talking to the person where it's just all the thorns or am I actually doing something meaningful and useful and correct. So that's when I started sweating. It was when I think I'm working in the wrong garden because I'm working too hard. 

[00:15:21] Sebra: Okay. So, I'm trying to capture in my mind the visual of what you're painting and it's like, you're out there and you're doing the work and you're sweating, but you have nothing to show for it. 

[00:15:33] Allie: um hm. 

[00:15:33] Sebra: Okay. So that's how you recognize when you're Theresa. 

[00:15:37] Charnae: I think for me sometimes, I don't recognize I'm in Teresa. The reason being because of the choking out, ‘cause there are certain thorns that grow in gardens that are like creeping vines. They just kind of creep in, and then these thorns grow, and the thorns get longer and just like being pricked. something would happen and whatever the I'm pricked and then, I'm like, ugh, just angry or frustrated or whatever.

[00:16:01] Charnae: And it's the prick, that the thorn pierced, from the surface of my skin and it's gone deeper, past the rib cage. I feel that thorn in my heart. Usually by that time, things have happened. You've said something you shouldn't have said. You've done something you shouldn't have done. You said, yes to something you should have said no to. 

[00:16:18] Allie: Cause you tripping over all the thorns in the garden, 

[00:16:20] Charnae: you took the job, and you probably shouldn't have taken, you know, you volunteered. and by that time, when it's there, for me, I look back and I'm going, wait, what happened? You know, just like Allie said I didn't know I was hanging out at this plot with you, so for me, sometimes I just don't know. It's when the circumstances pierce harder that, then I'm like, okay, God wait.

[00:16:38] Charnae: I think I overstepped and something that you said that was so good. Is that God saying, what are you doing? Because I think that's the thing. Sometimes we can feel so confident about the Word that is sown into our heart. And we're just like, yes, I understand this idea on faith. And I understand this idea, faith without works is dead.

[00:16:56] Charnae: But you didn't realize, oh, wait a minute. I'm not supposed to do that by myself. 

[00:17:01] Allie: Right. 

[00:17:01] Charnae: And so sometimes I think too, that could be I'm in that place where God's, what are you doing? You're crying and you're frustrated with everyone around you. And you're frustrated with the circumstances, but who told you to do that? You know? 

[00:17:12] Allie: Yeah. Your mom tells you to go do something like mom would tell me, ‘cause I moved fast. She'll be like, oh, go take this. And as I'm already snatching the thing and running, and she's like, you didn't even hear the full instructions and you gone. Or I just told you this, but I needed to tell you more, you're already, running off and that's when you're bring me the wrong thing. 

[00:17:29] Charnae: Right. And so, then it just brings frustration. for me, sometimes I realize is that if I was to put a percentage, I would probably say maybe 75%, I don't recognize having a thorny heart about the Word in my life. Especially now that we've named them, when I do, it's kind of comical now, because when we envisioned Theresa we say, oh, she's got the cute stylish bun like with Rocky, are we wearing our bun today? Or, you know, we'll say, oh, we're hanging out the thorns today. So, it just kinda makes it a little lighter, you know what I'm saying? Because it just kind of brings you to that place where you can laugh, you can say, yeah, I ended up back here, 

[00:18:02] Allie: Like I was just planning to pass her plot but then she started talking and now next thing you know, I've been here all week. 

[00:18:08] Charnae: Right. it just gives you that moment to just go back to God and let God realign you. He's still working on me, 

[00:18:13] Sebra: I think we all have some Theresa times 

[00:18:16] Allie: I think realizing the plots in general, like where you are is more often in hindsight for me. So as my growth, it's like the height I come a little faster. 

[00:18:26] Charnae: Yes. 

[00:18:27] Allie: But it's still, I'm never like in this situation being like, I just walked to Theresa's plot, and I am consciously aware that I am here 

[00:18:35] Sebra: I think she probably might be the hardest one to recognize, because looking ahead a little bit to the next one that will come up will be Rocky Raquel. Rocky Raquel's issue is basically, she doesn't believe God enough to receive His promise and she doesn't believe what His Word says enough for her to obey it. We know when we're not believing God a lot easier than when the cares of life or the deceitfulness of riches or the pleasures of life are choking out the Word.

[00:19:05] Sebra: And even with Wendy, Wendy's main problem is she doesn't understand what she read. We typically know when we don't understand something. So, it seems like Theresa is probably the hardest one to pinpoint that you are having a Theresa moment in your life. 

[00:19:22] Allie: Her garden isn't like ratchet. She has a decent garden. Her garden can get out of control. Her garden can get a mess. What you're saying, it's hard to identify the two because Theresa can start with her garden. She could do the work. And then she can start the garden and all gardens need time. Over time, like you were saying, those thorns can come in and she not realize it because she's focusing over here or their hidden or sneaking up on you. What I was saying before, I actually kind of stopped a little bit more after the parable of the seeds and the soil. Until later when Jesus was using the parable of the seeds. The farmer went out, planted the good crops, then during the night, the enemy came and put weeds.

[00:20:07] Allie: And then when the plants started to grow, the people went back and was like, “Dude, where'd these weeds come from?” “Oh, the enemy came.” They were like, “Should we rip it out?” And He's like, “No if you rip out, you'll also rip out the good ones. Sometimes you can even have a plot of land that actually can work, but the weeds are there. And sometimes those weeds aren't even actually planted by you. 

[00:20:27] Allie: We think Thorny Theresa put all them thorns there. And she's the one not making sense of all these thorns, but sometimes the enemy put that there and she's only realizing that you're in Thorny Theresa's plot when the things start growing after the time, and then you go, oh, there's the weeds. So I think that that also adds a level of difficulty in trying to identify where you are in both of those places, because sometimes you're only really able to identify when you get to the end and it's harvest time for that season. 

[00:20:57] Sebra: As you were talking, the words "I'm tired" came to my mind. So, Theresa is the one that typically says I'm tired, 

[00:21:06] Charnae: I'm tired. 

[00:21:06] Sebra: I'm tired of this. Or I'm tired in any shape, form, or flavor kind of helps us know that in that moment we are sitting in the thorny ground.

[00:21:17] Allie: That is when I'm working too much, when I'm doing too much. Cause I'm doing it out of my power. I'm not leaning on God because I got to provide for myself, or I got to do this. 

[00:21:25] Charnae: I think that's a really good point because if we can take moments to think about when we're hearing ourselves saying it 

[00:21:33] Sebra: Yes, 

[00:21:33] Charnae: When we're saying, oh, I'm just tired. And sometimes we get to a place where we're just like, we're sick and tired. That's the ultimate red flag. When you're in that place where, you know what, in this particular situation, I am just sick and tired.

[00:21:46] Charnae: That would give us the opportunity to go back and to see where has God's Word fallen in my heart that something has choked it out. And, unfortunately, we see that in marriages. People get to that place where they're say I'm just sick and tired. You can try to minister to them about God's Word and change, but they're just rejecting it, like we talked about. I love that because even in the mother-daughter relationship, when daughters are teenagers, you know, like I'm so sick and tired of being in this house, I know you never thought that

[00:22:16] Allie: Right 

[00:22:17] Charnae: I'm just sick and tired of being in this house but then. there was something that was sown whether it's be respectful of your parents. 

[00:22:26] Allie: And Mom be like I’m sick and tired of your being here 

[00:22:28] Charnae: Yeah. that's a red flag. And so, I love that you said that because if we can take time to pay attention to those moments that we're saying, I'm tired, and then stop, and go to God and reflect. Is there something that I'm rejecting from your Word? Is there a disobedience? Is there an enemy that has come in and planted something? What is going on? So, I love that 

[00:22:49] Sebra: Yes, and I love the generational dynamic that is going on between the two of you. So, talk about that a little bit more.

[00:22:57] Allie: Well, I'm the young one. She's the old one, and that's about it.

[00:23:04] Charnae: Let's see if she makes it past this podcast.

[00:23:11] Sebra: As mothers, we have raised children. As spiritual mothers and mentors to others, we are trying to impart something into someone else's life. But the problem with that is in those instances, when we're trying to give fruit that we don't even have, you had talked about that a little bit earlier. Can you expound on that?

[00:23:31] Charnae: Yes, before we started the podcast we're just sitting here talking and I said, that part of the problem for mothers is that sometimes we are trying to sow seeds into our daughters of things that we don't ourselves have. I will go with Allie's example of the plots, the community garden, right?

[00:23:49] Charnae: So now the child has a plot, it's not as big as the other plots that were there and established. But from the time the child is born the parent, the mother you already have in your mind, the life you want for them. 

[00:24:01] Charnae: It's going to be so pretty. Like mine is nice, but parents say that all the time. I want my children to have something better than I had. I know I had one little plot here and it's got some fruit. As a mother, we want them to have better.

[00:24:13] Charnae: Right. And then better than, what? We always go back, better than what I had. Or do better than what I did. so therefore, we start trying to cultivate seeds in our children of things that we don't even have ourself. It's not cultivated within us, but yet, and still because we have this desire for them to have better and be better, we push; it just brings that friction. It doesn't matter how much you tell your child I want you to be confident. If they see that you're not walking in confidence, they're going to model what they see you do not so much as what you say. 

[00:24:52] Sebra: Yes. 

[00:24:53] Allie: I had this thought as we were talking, about like, yeah, you're trying to impart this thing into your child's plot, but do we come out the womb with a GiGi level garden, or do we come out with you gave me part of your plot. So, if your plot was thorny, mine's kind of thorny by default. Wherever you are when you're having children, you're kind of like a copy of that.

[00:25:14] Allie: And you're like 

[00:25:14] Charnae: exactly 

[00:25:14] Allie: taking your plot and then going. Boom. I'm giving you my dirt. That's for you to start your own plot and yes, we can cultivate it and make it great

[00:25:20] Charnae: As a mother, yes you are exactly right. And that is what is the thorn. I'm starting with my hurts and my rejections, my failures. Right. And that's what I'm saying. So, we look at that within ourselves and we say, man, we don't want our kids to go through that.

[00:25:36] Charnae: if that is already there in the soil, then we either need to allow God to heal that in us, to restore us in those areas so that we can be able to impart and nurture your soil. 

[00:25:47] Allie: Here's how you take care of the weeds. 

[00:25:49] Charnae: Right. 

[00:25:49] Allie: Here's how you take care of the thorns, 

[00:25:51] Charnae: but that's not what we normally do. We normally just say. Okay. Well, that's my lot in life, my plot, my lot. But what I'm going to do is I'm going to try to shape you into not having to deal with those things, but the thing is, is that you cannot give out of what you don't have. 

[00:26:05] Sebra: Exactly. 

[00:26:06] Allie: The challenge is the daughter, when your mom's then trying to Impart these things, and then you're looking at your own soil going, she think I'm GiGi. She think I got this GiGi plot. You're telling me to pot it this way. My soil doesn't do that. You holding me to the GiGi standard that I don't have, 

[00:26:22] Sebra: but it's the one we see in our mind of you that we want you to be. So, we're trying to pull you up there not recognizing that we're pulling too tight. 

[00:26:32] Charnae: And not recognizing also that you didn't have the same start. Even though you have some of our soil, it's not exactly the same because we're looking from years of life's experiences, the journey, everything that we've gone through and then we're formulating this idea. But that's not your story. So, we're trying to make it fix our story through your story. It needs nitrogen in that soil for courage to grow. But I don't have it, will say, oh, wow.

[00:27:00] Charnae: I forgot that your soil is, partly mine. And then I forget that, oh, you started in a different space, so you may have nitrogen already. Like, let's say confidence. So, I'm now trying to drill confidence in you. Everything you do go out, I'm pushing you, go do it, go on the stage, do the thing, be out there. And, I wanted to do, and then I'm trying to push it in you. And then that just brings frustration. That brings rebellion. That brings confusion. 

[00:27:23] Allie: If you are too focused on, this is the thing that I need, then you can also not look at who your daughter really is and help her cultivate what is her plot. 

[00:27:32] Sebra: That's the key. Train up a child in the way he should go in this case, she, and when she is old, she will not depart from it. And what that's talking about, my understanding of that scripture, the deeper understanding of that scripture is training up a child the way they should go is based off of them and their gifts and how God created them more so than it is us trying to make them be who and how we want them to be. So going back to last episode, GiGi is able to see these are the gifts that my daughter has. Let me cultivate those gifts rather than trying to live my life and fix my wounds through her life. 

[00:28:14] Allie: One of the things of how the parable of the soils relates the most is because. once you understand self, then you can understand others 

[00:28:21] Sebra: Yes. 

[00:28:22] Allie: And I think that sometimes that's the biggest challenge and disconnect with mothers and daughters. We have time together. We've been with you since the womb. I know you; I know what your plot is. Sometimes you actually don't know what your plot is. 

[00:28:35] Charnae: Right. 

[00:28:36] Allie: But you think you know what your plot is, so you assume that you know what your daughter's plot is and you're like, well, we spend all the time together gardening. Yeah, with you over there in your plot, her over there in ya'll plot. And y'all probably, haven't actually talked about the plots and lots. So, I think that that's a, that's definitely a part there is like once you have that kind of understanding and to be able to see and go, why isn't this hitting my daughter when I'm talking to her, why isn't this hitting my mom when I talked to her, why are we having these kind of communications? Do I know where I am in my plot? And does she know where, where she is? And do we actually know each other? 

[00:29:10] Charnae: And that is the key. I think one of the keys, because it's challenging, like you say, you have to, you have to look at where your own heart is. Right. And then you have to look at the other person. And the thing is, is that it is very challenging for a mother who is relating to her daughter as though she is still a child and is not recognizing her womanhood, that the daughter has grown.

[00:29:40] Charnae: The daughter has, is not in the house anymore. The daughter has her own experiences now. The daughter has gone through some things. She's got some different stuff in her soil. You often hear parents like, “You know me all your life. You should be used to me talking like this,” or something happens, and I'm like, when you, “You knew how I was going to respond.” No, you don’t because I've grown and changed, and you've grown and changed. And so, a lot of times there's that conflict in that mothe- daughter relationship, because we're not paying attention to ourself, just like you said, and where we are, and we're not paying attention to the other person and giving the grace, because all of this has to be seasoned with some grace. And so, as we talk, you know, and we've had that conversation where you've kind of been like, mom, I'm gonna need you to take that down a few octaves. Right. And I'm like, well, I'm a Caribbean person. We just loud. We just talk loud?

[00:30:33] Charnae: And this actually happened. We had this conversation and she brought it to my attention, but “It makes me nervous. Like you used to yell at me when I was a kid. So now you're talking to me, and your voice is going higher. So, it's triggering something in me.” And we did have that conversation. And I think that it went very well, because I had to first have received, she was the sower, so she was planting a seed into my heart. 

[00:30:57] Sebra: I love that. The daughter was the sower planting a seed in the mother's heart 

[00:31:04] Charnae: into my heart. 

[00:31:05] Allie: that was not the first time that I threw that seed.

[00:31:08] Charnae: Right 

[00:31:08] Allie: I had thrown that seed multiple times. “Mom, stop yelling,” and she would say, “I'm not yelling. I'm just talking.” But that had been like years because, oh no, I was going to say, ‘cause I guess I've known you for a long time. It would have been years of me, just “Mom stop yelling.” “Stop yelling.” “I'm not yelling.” So, when that situation arose and I was aware of myself, I was aware, this is a trigger. I'm feeling a certain way. Speak to your mom. I almost didn't because I almost heard the, well, I'm not gonna. And I started saying it and I don't know if you remember this, but you actually almost started to be like, but Alexan and then you stopped.

[00:31:52] Allie: And then you listened. And then I finished what I had to say. And then you went, okay. We were silent for a minute. And then you came back here, and you addressed it. Like, I understand what you're saying. Dah, dah, dah, dah. That that conversation only could have happened because communication, one, and two, because your soil was different then, and if I reacted like how I thought you would react in the past, because I know your soil was all jacked up and you wasn't gonna listen to me. Then I, myself, wouldn't have been able to grow and heal in that moment, but I, one had to just honestly take out and faith that your soil is different, and to give you the chance and see how you responded, and then when you responded totally differently to me, it was just like, oh, wow. 

[00:32:41] Charnae: Right. And the thing is, is that, that's the thing about when we're talking about Theresa, that sometimes that seed has to be planted again and again and again. Right? You know how you buy the packet of seeds at the store, right.

[00:32:55] Charnae: And it comes when you buy those little packets, they're like a dollar or something. Those packets have a lot of seeds. It does. It has a lot, so if you're buying tomatoes, there are a lot of seeds in there. but then you think about it too. even look at oranges and watermelons and, certain fruits that God knew He needed a lot of seeds in one fruit. When those seeds are cast, not all of them survive. You still plant the whole pack because, you know, there's a percentage, that at some point, one of those is going to get into good soil and grow.

[00:33:23] Charnae: Sometimes when our heart is in that Thorny Theresa place, we may have heard the same thing over and over and over again, but it's that time and moment when we may have grown and God has shown us some things that now where we think, okay, we're Thorny Theresa has now extended into GiGi, right?

[00:33:39] Charnae: When you came to me with that, at that point, my heart wasn't choked out with the cares of the world and the cares of myself. You're, saying I'm a bad mom. You're saying this. I'm bad. I failed. Those things have already cleared out. Healed by the grace of God. In that particular moment, you're able to hear different because I'm able to hear from a good ground. 

[00:33:55] Charnae: So, as you sowed that seed into my heart, “Mom I need you to take it down. That triggers me. That makes me uneasy. I can't receive what you're saying from me because you're talking so loud,” then I'm in a place to say, oh, that's true. Because the goal as woman to woman now, is for us to have relationship. The goal is for us to have communication. We can't have effective communication if you're already shut down from how I'm responding. It hs to go back to the same thing of where, as a mother, when you have adult children, you have to relate to them in a different place and take into consideration your womanhood. Then just as I would give that grace to someone I'm mentoring, I give that same grace to you. And not just assume because, you know me, and you grew up with me that that should be acceptable. 

[00:34:40] Sebra: That's good. on that note, what is one pearl of wisdom that you would like to impart to those who are listening today?

[00:34:49] Allie: My pearl of wisdom would be continue sowing seeds, for your own self and for other people, for your relationship. I think we sow seeds, and we don't get a return. So then eventually we get weary, and we stop sowing, and you can apply that in multiple areas of your life. I used to hear a lot growing up, like, this person's not going to change. So, it really doesn't make sense bringing it up anymore, or saying the truth. 

[00:35:09] Allie: Keep sowing seeds, because prayerfully the soil will change, and that seed will grow. But if we stop throwing the seeds, we stop that growth. We stop that communication, and we never actually be able to connect and ultimately get to the point of knowing each other and working together properly in this community garden 

[00:35:29] Sebra: There's a lot of that. 

[00:35:30] Charnae: Yes, unfortunately. 

[00:35:31] Sebra: Yes. Charnae? 

[00:35:32] Charnae: So, my takeaway, when we're talking about Thorny Theresa is her hands in so many things, and that she looks like everyone else. It could kind of be that mask where she's got the makeup tight. She's hurting on the inside, but you look on her on the outside and she looks like she has no problems. She looks like everything is good. And my encouragement would be to anyone who's listening and may feel like they're in that place. But I've done everything in this situation. I've done all that I can. I prayed about it. I fasted. I did everything. My encouragement for her, to continue to pray, continue to seek the Word, and to ask the Holy Spirit is there any part of your Word that you're saying to me, maybe this relationship or this circumstance that I'm in, this challenge that is before me, that I'm rejecting and help me change the soil of my heart, so that I can receive it in a different way. 

[00:36:28] Charnae: Also, my other thing is for Theresas, it's good for her to have community that is open and transparent who will tell her and bring to her attention that her heart is thorny and that when she hears those things, don't always take it as rejection. Listen, take it before God, and then allow God to show you if it's the truth or not. 

[00:36:50] Allie: Theresa needs GiGi community. 

[00:36:52] Charnae: Yes, 

[00:36:52] Allie: because as a Theresa, you can have community that's just more Theresas. 

[00:36:56] Sebra: Yes. 

[00:36:57] Charnae: They're all worn out 

[00:36:58] Allie: And they flock together 

[00:36:58] Charnae: And they sit at lunch talking about how difficult life is. 

[00:37:02] Sebra: Yes. 

[00:37:02] Sebra: So, as we bring this to a close, once again, I do want to encourage everyone. Please study this parable for yourself and let God give you what He has just for you, because the way we received it when we were naming them, the way you received it when you were hearing it, two different things. And even in this conversation today, new things have come out. 

[00:37:28] Sebra: So, my pearl of wisdom is look up. And let God speak to your heart. Because as Thorny Theresa, you are working, you are striving, and you are tired. And when you're tired, the only place to go is up to your Father's lap, so He can put his arms around you, hold you close, and let you know, He's got you. That's something to ponder.

[00:37:54] Khara: Thank you for listening to the Raising Godly Women podcast and taking this journey with us to be the Titus 2 women. We pray that the seeds of God's Word shared today fell on great soil, and that soil is in your heart. Now, we hope that through these pearls of wisdom, that you have gained the tools to help you become stronger to help you become more confident in your everyday life, most especially as it relates to your walk with the Lord. We also hope that you will share your tools with those who are younger in age, or even maybe younger in faith to help them become stronger and confident as well, so that they can help share with other women passing the baton to the generation behind them.

[00:38:35] Khara: Just imagine the ripple effect, our sharing can have not only in our generation, but also the generations to come to build and strengthen the body of Christ as we all come together to empower each other. So, until we meet again, feel free to join the Raising Godly Women community. Let's talk about your connection with this episode on social media in the comment section. You can find us on Facebook and Instagram at Raising Godly Women. Be sure to tag us because we love to have you connect and be a part of the family. And on that note, may the Lord hear from you and keep you, may he make his face shine upon you and be gracious onto you? May the Lord shine his face towards you and give you peace. Shalom daughters of God. Shalom.